Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
