im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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