ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
