am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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