do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
