You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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