I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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