So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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