New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
