There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Congratulations! We have a period
Pooping to opera.
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