PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Randomize
