I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
we made out on top of his cat.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Just pee around me
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Randomize
