I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Randomize
