All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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