I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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