she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize