I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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