Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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