I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
