So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
