trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
