haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
