the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
