Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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