you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Can vaginas get frostbite?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
