I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
