My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
