I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
