She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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