We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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