did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
