I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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