So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
