So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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