We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
