i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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