I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
