I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
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