ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
