u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
