i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
