Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
What drink are we having for lunch?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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