Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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