i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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