Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
