so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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