WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
is that a dick in a sweater?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
