dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize