No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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