I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
the day after is always just damage control
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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