She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
