Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
