I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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