Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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