It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
