my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
