There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
