why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
