What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
