he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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