I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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