I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
