Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
sex in a hospital.. check
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
