I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
