where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
