we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
