The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
