Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
